Last week I sat through an unnecessarily long meeting which started with a very well-meaning kiwi citing to a large group of afghans the myriad of ways that they could be blown-up, shot at, or harmed by ‘the enemy.’ When one of my afghan colleagues commented that he would choose jumping from our roof to the neighbors and running away from the scene this was met with giggles. These were quickly and staunchly quelled by my former ‘corporal in the Ukrainian army’ superior who noted that this was a ‘serious meeting’ and we should all learn something. Later, my Afghan office mate commented to me…’that was no joke Mindy, that is exactly what an Afghan would do.’
Running through my mind in this meeting:
1. Why in the HELL is this man telling AFGHAN people about the many ways that they can be attacked and killed?
2. How did a security meeting turn into the likes of a U.S. news channel in which at least 3/4ths of the content is fear-based stories peppered with words like ‘terror’ and ‘enemy’ rather than WHAT TO DO if our compound was actually targeted?
3. How do I get these two guys some training in running a *%&#ing meeting?
It is possible that I should not be writing a letter after being on lock down for nearly the past four weekends in a row, because, yes, I am feeling a little unwell at this point. These lockdown coupled with the fact that other organizations are allowing their staff to move freely does not make me feel better or more protected (rather, more like a very old teenager who never learned how to rebel effectively in the first place). More investigation into this phenomena has opened my eyes to the reality that the people who tend to be the most frightened here in Afghanistan, and I believe almost anywhere, are those who feel like they are the most protected. As in, the more we are cut off from the outside world, the more fear we have of that world. I imagine that, in large part, this is because they do not even know WHAT they are actually frightened of.
How many famous quotes can you think of about fear?
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself—Franklin D Roosevelt
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do—Eleanor Roosevelt
(wow, the Roosevelts’ sure liked to talk about fear)
But I like this one:
Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Honestly, when I look at all the incidents that have happened over the last number of weeks here, I see that some people are allowing fear to dig away at them, take bites out of them. They are making choices based on fear, some real (yes, we could get hurt if we are in the wrong place at the wrong time), and some invented (like who might sue the other if someone gets hurt (yes, I get that this a reality but it is such a pathetically human-invented reality that just makes me nauseous)).
In the meeting earlier this week my Ukrainian boss asked…’What is more important than your life? The most important thing is your life!’ I looked around the room and wondered if most of my Afghan colleagues were thinking ‘Allah’…meanwhile in my mind I thought…’A life well lived even if cut short.’
